Adventures of a Gringa

Charmer

The other night, my mom waltzed into my room and asked an odd rhetorical question: "What if we didn't like Eli? It would be so awkward to have you two here. Thank god we love him!"

Touche.

Something that has made my life infinitely easier about moving home with Eli has been that he has charmed literally everyone I have introduced him to: my parents (who had already met him several times in Brazil), my family, friends, and acquaintances. He didn't even scare off anyone in my relatively traditional Jewish family with his tattoos and cafe com leite skin, which makes me think he might have even been able to win over my deceased, unapproving paternal grandmother. It helps that he's good-looking; that's been a winning point with the ladies. But it's because he's kind, honest, and sweet that he's managed to win everyone over, aqueles gringos frios. Even though some people still have a hard time understanding that we are in fact married, they now understand why I went through such great lengths to get him to the US.

But the person--or rather, creature--who has fallen for Eli the most is the family dog, Kippy. Every night when Eli comes home, she races to the door to greet him, jumping up on his knees and making pathetic little mewing noises. At some point, Eli taught her to stand on her hind legs and do a little hop, so she'll do tricks for him in her excitement. If he's feeling generous, he'll let her clamber up onto his lap and very briefly lick his chin. And that's being very generous, considering how he feels about hygiene. Then she'll follow him around for the rest of the night, positioning herself across from him to eye him occasionally, to make sure he isn't going anywhere. When we go to sleep, she'll wedge herself between his feet at the foot of the bed.

It's been a welcome relief to find that everyone loves Eli, since it's never easy to be the newest member of a family, let alone be in a new country.

Eli & Me

When I first realized that Eli and I were going to have to live with my parents for longer than I expected, I though that it would be some sort of soap opera, the bubbly Brazilian living with a nuclear Jewish family. But as it turns out, it hasn't been dramatic at all. In fact, Eli quietly became just another member of the family.

Since we've both been looking for jobs but haven't found any yet, we've been hanging around the house quite a bit. Eli plays Playstation 2 (FIFA) with my brother for at least an hour a day, and sometimes we go kayaking with my mom. We usually help my mom with grocery shopping and errands, and occasionally take my dog out for long walks. We go out at least once a week by ourselves to see friends or out in the city. Eli started a little gardening project and has been planting flowers and redoing the landscaping in the yard, and helping fix things around the house. Sometimes we go out with my brother to the mall or the movies. (Eli and I went to see Bruno with my dad. Very awkward.)  Every other or week or so, the whole family heads to the river to barbecue, and Eli has become quite a hit with his Brazilian-style steak. We've traveled a little bit to Pennsylvania and New Jersey, too.

 

 

 

Photos by Eliseu/me

The situation isn't exactly ideal, but it has also been very helpful for Eli's English and a chance for him to get to know my family. We're hanging in there, just hoping that things will work out soon.

The Credit Card Incident

On Monday, I got the following email from my mom:

"Somebody charged US$192 for something on my American Express card yesterday—somebody in Brazil!!"

So I called her, and apparently, my dad found out that the card had been used (even though it wasn't stolen when they were here several weeks ago) and reported it right away. I asked him to find out where it had been charged, and the location came up as "PREZUNIC CACHAMBI," which is a big supermarket near a favela in the north part of Rio. My dad told us not to worry about it, that the credit card company would deal with it and that they'd canceled the card, but Eli insisted on investigating. He thinks someone with access to my mom's card, at one of the various restaurants we went to, wrote down her information and managed to clone the card.

First, he called the grocery store, and the manager later claimed to have determined the aisle and cashier where the person used the card. The cashier hadn't asked for ID, and the person never signed the receipt. Then, he decided to go report the incident to the police. He went to the police station closest to our house and waited for two hours. When he finally managed to talk to an officer, the guy told him, "Quero nem saber." I don't care. He said my parents needed to report the case in the US and they could then send the information here. He waved him away.

Meanwhile, the girl before Eli in line was in a panic. She explained to the officer that someone had collect called her house claiming he was from the cable company. The not very intelligent maid accepted the call and actually believed him, and she told him their address when he asked her to confirm it. The "cable guy" said he'd be over soon to do a routine inspection, meaning someone could show up to rob them blind, or worse. She told all this to the officer, and he shrugged. "If something happens, then you can call us. For now, it's your problem."

High Gear

It's been pretty much non-stop since my parents arrived on Tuesday morning, and not entirely without bumps along the way.

We'd made a reservation for an SUV to pick my parents up from the airport since they brought three suitcases, but when it came to get us on the way at 5:30am, it turned out to be a sedan (there was some miscommunication somewhere along the line). Eli was pissed since he'd made the reservations months ago and had reminded them several times, and the driver was furious that he'd been misinformed, but we went anyway since it was late. We waited for an hour for my parents to get their bags, and then somehow squeezed into the car in took them to their hotel.

In the afternoon, I took them to lunch at this great Middle Eastern restaurant in Copacabana, though they were totally jet-lagged and in heat shock. Later, we went to the Museum of Modern Art to see the Vik Muniz exhibit at my dad's request, and both of my parents loved it. We brought them to our apartment, which they liked but couldn't bear the heat, and then went out for a late dinner at our favorite pizza rodizio, though it was much slower than usual.

On Wednesday, my parents jet setted around Copa in the morning while Eli and I barely managed to drag ourselves out of bed, walking on the boardwalk  and checking out the sandcastles they are oddly obsessed with. Then, they decided to look for decaf coffee, since they don't drink regular. I'd warned them this would be a difficult task (unless they hiked over to Starbucks in Leblon), but they didn't quite believe me. They ended up, ironically enough, at a popular cafe called "Cafeina" (Caffeine), which of course did not have decaf. I guess they were desperate, and they wound up drinking caffeinated coffee for the first time in many, many years, which had more of a cocaine-like effect that a coffee bean. In their caffeinated stupor, they made friends with some Cariocas and wound up sitting and talking with them for awhile, and got to our house late. When we met up with them, they were practically vibrating they were so caffeinated.

We all headed to Centro, where we had a light lunch (lanche, as the maitre de informed me) at Confeitaria Colombo, since my parents had loved it so much last time. I showed them the Portuguese Reading Room, one of the most beautiful libraries in Brazil (and the world), and then we wandered the narrow streets down to the Centro Cultural Banco do Brasil, my favorite museum in Rio, where we checked out the Brasil Brasileiro art exhibit and their new money exhibit, both highly recommended. I was thrilled to find they built a Livraria da Travessa there as well, which is one of my favorite Rio book store chains.

Later, we miraculously did some errands even though my parents were wilting in the heat, and then went to dinner at an Asian rodizio. We were supposed to meet Eli's family at my parents' hotel after dinner, but we left late and apparently his dad did not want to come a half an hour later. So they met us at the restaurant and the conversation was less awkard than I expected, until the bill came and there was a great deal of confusion but luckily we hightailed it out of there as soon as we paid. Then we went to my parents' hotel and sat around chatting and exchanging gifts, which turned out to be totally fine, though a bit tiring from all the simultaneous translation. In the meantime, Eli's poor sister managed to get food poisoning or an allergic reaction or something and spent most of the time in the bathroom the whole night.

So I'm glad we're getting out of the city and that we got the awkward meeting of the families out of the way. It really was fun and relatively painless, but than again, it's only once a year. Now we're headed to the beach for a week, where Eli and I are staying with my parents in a rental house. There's bound to be plenty of awkwardness left this week!

Landing

My parents are arriving in Rio today on a direct flight from New York, so Eli and I are waking up at the crack of dawn to pick them up from the airport. This will be their second time visiting me, so luckily I won't have to deal with the stress of Eli meeting them for the first time. They will be in town for a few days hanging out, having at least one awkward encounter with Eli's parents that will require simultaneous translation, and me dragging them to as many restaurants as we can possibly pack in. Then we're off to the beach for a week.

Stay tuned.

on moms

On the phone with Eli's mom...

EM: So are your parents OK?
Me: They're fine...why?
EM: I saw what happened on the news!
Me: [a spark of panic] Umm...what happened?
EM: Oh it's terrible! Those tornadoes in the US!!
Me: Ohh. Oh yes. The tornadoes are very far away from my house.
EM: Oh really? Like in another city?
Me: More like in another state. They're very far away.
EM: Oh it's just so terrible! And that earthquake in China too!

___________

I am my mother's daughter. But thankfully, not quite as bad.

From my mom's meme on her blog, on bad habits and pet peeves:

"Impatience while driving, while waiting in line, while breathing."
"Intolerance of stupidity."

I think those two lines will keep me snickering for the rest of the day.

When Two Worlds Collide, Chapter 6: Saying Goodbye to the Parents

Today was my parents' last day in Rio, so they came over to my place with their luggage so we could be more efficient to get them to the airport  (we love efficiency). We went to lunch at my all-time favorite restaurant in Rio, in Santa Teresa, which my mom at least liked, and we shared a huge mango frozen margarita made with vodka that was the awesomest thing ever until in my slightly tipsy state I spilled the remaining contents all over the custom-made rustic wood table.

Anyway, after that I took them to the mall to buy plane food and enjoy the AC, and after getting everything together we left from my apartment. It was sweet watching them say goodbye to Eli, and then I went with them to the airport and said goodbye there.

This whole time my parents have been here has been really wonderful, though I've felt a little tense, even after everything went ok meeting Eli and his fam. I guess it's because a) I wanted to make sure they had a fabulous time so they realized first-hand how wonderful Brazil is and b) the tightening in my gut I get every time I leave the house, which I have gotten used to and barely notice anymore, became much more acute with my parents here, because I had their safety to worry about besides my own. I'm not as paranoid as I was at the beginning, but in Rio you have to have a certain outlook on things when you go out, knowing even if you follow "the rules" of Rio you still run the risk of something happening. And if anything had happened to my parents, I would have felt horrifically guilty.

After safety, my next concern was that my parents liked Eliseu enough to completely accept the fact that we are together, living together, and will be indefinitely. Truthfully, I was more worried about what my mom would think, since my dad's judgment isn't always accurate; he really liked my high school boyfriend who turned out to be the Douchiest of Douchebags. Well, I liked him too so that was my fault. But anyway. Today my mom told me that she not only liked Eli, but liked him more than she thought she would, because he is genuinely a really good person, who is sweet and gentle and kind. I was really glad she could see what I already know.

Now that my parents are gone, I have mixed feelings. We were entering on the driving me crazy phase, but I really wanted them to stay longer so we could just hang out. I really wish New York weren't so far away. But on the other hand, I have no desire to go home right now. I've finally almost carved out my niche here and I have no desire to leave. Even though I'm scheduled to in 4 months. Four tiny months. That is completely frightening.

Also, I get the impression that my parents expect me to move back for good and get a nice 40 hour a week job in the city, live at home until I make enough money to get my own place, and become a normal hard-working New York adult. I also get the impression that although they liked Eli, they don't expect us to stay together when I leave in June, and are secretly hoping we'll break up and I'll come to my senses and start dating a nice Jewish stockbroker and get married and live happily ever after.

However, against all odds, and in the midst of a lot of uncertainty, I can say for a fact that staying in New York, and breaking up with Eli, are not in my plans.