Adventures of a Gringa

How to Marry a Gringo in Brazil

I've met some really amazing people, on and offline through my blog, and Mallory and Henrique are some of my favorites. Mallory, an American, recently married Henrique, a Paulista, in Brazil, and she was kind enough to put together a guest post on what it takes for a foreigner to marry in Brazil, inspired by my K-1 visa series. She also wrote a very sweet post about her wedding day on her blog, which you can read here. Hopefully, her guide will be helpful to foreigners looking to marry their Brazilian partners in Brazil, be it to settle in Brazil or before moving to other countries on spouse visas. The process is a bit tricky and requires quite a bit of paperwork, so it's useful to get an overview before you jump in.

Without further ado, here is a guide to getting in married in Brazil.

Guide to Foreign Marriage in Brazil 

Rachel began her K-1 visa how-to guide with the opening line, “So you fell in love with a Brazilian”, which uncannily happens to be our step one here for Mallory's Guide to the Obsessive Compulsive Process that is Marriage in Brazil as well. However, unlike in the U.S. where you immigrate first and then marry, in Brazil you marry first and then immigrate. Sounds so much easier than the humiliatingly long and expensive process with the USCIS, does it not? To be honest, I was expecting it to be snap. My thoughts were: marriage has often historically been abused to gain a green card in the U.S., but what are the statistics of an American buying a residency in Brazil through a scam marriage? What a breeze, I thought, all I have to do is say I do. Wrong. Don't let the Brazilian stereotype fool you; there is nothing simple nor laid-back about Brazilian bureaucracy. It is apparent that the words unnecessary and detail were born in this country. Did I cry? Only once. But the consular officer (known as the Michigan Man) at the Sao Paulo Consulate put it best at my final visit—All this to get married? He better be worth it. A great reminder that it really is all worth it, because a life in Brazil with my best friend is more than worth it. So take a breath, and go.

Read the full post after the jump.

Google Love

For those of you who didn't watch the Superbowl or live outside the US, you have got to see this commercial:

For those of you with similar relationship stories (this rang so very true to my own life), you can definitely appreciate it!

So you're off to the consulate

As we continue with the K-1 visa guide, we arrive at one of the most crucial moments: the consular interview.

The absolute most important thing to remember for this part of the process is to bring the entire application package, the one you must assemble after receiving your NOA-2. It is essential that you remember every single piece of it and that you have it organized in the exact order the consulate requests on the website. When you first get there, someone will check to make sure you have all of your documents and that you have them in the right order. If you're missing stuff, they'll send you home, though they are generally accommodating about rescheduling your interview.

Lots of people want to know whether the American fiance should go with the foreign spouse. There are mixed responses about this. I personally couldn't attend, but some friends of mine who did attend said it wasn't necessarily helpful. The consul who interviews your fiance could be really nice or could be really mean, so it's the luck of the draw. If it makes you feel better to go, I don't think it is ultimately detrimental, but it won't necessarily be more helpful. 

While this is one of the most stressful parts of the process, it can actually turn out to be the easiest. In Eli's case, they asked only a few, very straightforward questions (when are you going to the States? when do you plan on getting married? what do you plan to do there? what does your fiance do? etc) and made him feel relatively at ease. Other cases, however, aren't always so smooth; sometimes they ask personal questions, or weird questions (what color is your fiance's toothbrush? what side of the bed do you sleep on? are your fiance's parents religious? - the guy asked Eli that one). Sometimes they are rude and unhelpful, and other times they're friendly. You never know.

The other thing to keep in mind is that you're going to be doing a lot of waiting, so bring something to read or distract yourself, because it is usually slow and crowded. Also, make sure you're in the right line; the tourist visa line is usually a different one from the immigration line (this I know because Eli was waiting in the wrong line for a bit). 

You find out right away if your visa was approved or denied. Assuming everything goes well and it is approved (!) you will have to leave your passport for the consulate to allow them to insert your visa. They will send it to you by messenger service, and you should get it back within a week.

Then, it's time to go!

Fear

The funny thing about Brazilians is that they are incredibly suspicious of anything involving the U.S. government in their country, or foreigners who dare set foot in the Amazon, but they will kiss the ground of any major celebrity that goes to Brazil. Most of the time, they're there on vacation or to promote themselves, but not always.

That's why Madonna in Brazil is absolutely terrifying to me.

First off, I should point out that though Madonna is still undeniably a big celebrity in the US, it's gotten to the point where a lot of us are mostly just scared of her. We have also grown used to her diva whims, from deciding she's a Jew with her Kabbalah "conversion" to strong-arming Malawi into an essentially illegal adoption of her second African child. It's not that she doesn't do anything useful; she started a non-profit in 2006 called Raising Malawi to aid orphans there. But in Oprah-esque fashion, instead of building 1000 schools and 1000 hospitals, she decided to build a single school for $15 million (incidentally, local villagers are blocking its construction). This is why celebrities should not be in charge of development. 

Anyway, along came Jesus Luz, the strapping 23 year-old Brazilian model, and Madonna forgot about Africa for awhile. Now, she's in Rio with him, where her agenda is extremely odd and frankly, is just highly suspicious to me. According to some, she's supposed to meet Jesus's parents for the first time, since he is serious about their relationship and wants to get married, which would be Madonna's third marriage. The other thing is that she was supposed to meet with AfroReggae, one of Rio's most successful non-profits, to discuss working with them on projects and to visit several favelas where they work. Mysteriously, she cancelled the meeting and the excursions, though she did meet with a group of kids from a different non-profit--but they had to meet her at her hotel (Fasano, claro). Methinks all those upper class Brazilians she's hanging out with scared her away from the favelas.

Despite cancelling the AfroReggae plans, she had plenty of time to hit several upscale restaurants around the city, including Sushi Leblon and Yume. She also hung out with her buddy, zillionaire Eike Batista; he lent her his private jet for her trip and let her work out at his house. She's due to go to a big dinner he's hosting tonight along with Rio's mayor and governor, who are quite nearly drooling about the meeting. She's allegedly in Sao Paulo this afternoon to visit a Kabbalah center and to meet with a rabbi, and later she is expected to meet with Lula's Chief of Staff and presidential candidate, Dilma Rousseff, as well as the first lady. Maybe I'm just skeptical, but I find it incredibly inappropriate for a celebrity of her caliber to meet with so many politicians, especially on the eve of an election year and what is on a supposedly leisurely visit. It's just fishy.

Additional note: the military police have been escorting Madonna everywhere, and even got into a tiff with paparazzi when she first arrived in Rio. Does anyone else think it's inappropriate for the government to provide free security to Madonna when it doesn't even provide it to far too many Cariocas?

While it's true Brazil is very popular right now (I cannot wait to pick up this week's Economist), Madonna is in a way just like almost every other gringa I met in Rio, the majority of whom were there because of a significant other. I loved Brazil from the second I got there for the first time, but if it hadn't been for Eli, it's very possible I would have wound up moving somewhere else in Latin America. I have to give Jesus credit, who seems like a vapid model but could likely be the one encouraging all of these different plans.

The point is, I suppose, is to beware of the wolf in sheep's clothing with terrifyingly muscular arms. Just ask Malawi.

Welcome to the United States of America

On Tuesday, a letter came from the USCIS, the immigration bureau. I handed it to Eli and he carefully opened it. I peered over his shoulder, and knowing the nature of American correspondence, skimmed to the top where I spotted the word "approved" and started jumping up and down and shrieking before he had figured out why.

It was a single piece of paper, with the title "Welcome to the United States of America." The first two lines read:

"This is to notify you that your application for permanent residence has been approved. It is with great pleasure that we welcome you to permanent resident status in the United States."

It's hard to explain how gratifying it is not only for Eli to get his residency, but also to see words like "pleasure" and "welcome" coming from the US government during the immigration process. It's not a fun process, and really puts you through the ringer to make sure you are very serious about what you're doing every step of the way. We started last December and nearly a year later, he's finally done it. The letter was also a welcome surprise, considering it only took about two and a half months to process his residency application, which I would say is pretty record time (we were expecting 3-4 months).

But like everything in immigration, just when we feel like we've finally finished and we finally can relax, it's not over yet. His residency is conditional, which means that in two years we will have to apply yet again to change his status, and then go to an immigration center and prove (with documents, photos, and what have you) we are still married in order for his permanent permanent residency to go through. Also, if he ever wants to leave the country before then, he'll have to apply for a special travel waiver.

Since he's not going anywhere for now, and since two years is a ways away, we're both just really happy and relieved that we can relax, at least about immigration. Ate que enfim.

Charmer

The other night, my mom waltzed into my room and asked an odd rhetorical question: "What if we didn't like Eli? It would be so awkward to have you two here. Thank god we love him!"

Touche.

Something that has made my life infinitely easier about moving home with Eli has been that he has charmed literally everyone I have introduced him to: my parents (who had already met him several times in Brazil), my family, friends, and acquaintances. He didn't even scare off anyone in my relatively traditional Jewish family with his tattoos and cafe com leite skin, which makes me think he might have even been able to win over my deceased, unapproving paternal grandmother. It helps that he's good-looking; that's been a winning point with the ladies. But it's because he's kind, honest, and sweet that he's managed to win everyone over, aqueles gringos frios. Even though some people still have a hard time understanding that we are in fact married, they now understand why I went through such great lengths to get him to the US.

But the person--or rather, creature--who has fallen for Eli the most is the family dog, Kippy. Every night when Eli comes home, she races to the door to greet him, jumping up on his knees and making pathetic little mewing noises. At some point, Eli taught her to stand on her hind legs and do a little hop, so she'll do tricks for him in her excitement. If he's feeling generous, he'll let her clamber up onto his lap and very briefly lick his chin. And that's being very generous, considering how he feels about hygiene. Then she'll follow him around for the rest of the night, positioning herself across from him to eye him occasionally, to make sure he isn't going anywhere. When we go to sleep, she'll wedge herself between his feet at the foot of the bed.

It's been a welcome relief to find that everyone loves Eli, since it's never easy to be the newest member of a family, let alone be in a new country.

So you're thinking about emigration

I realized after I started the K-1 tutorial series that I needed an introductory post to explain what you really need before you even start the process, a sort of prequel if you will.

So if you're thinking about starting the K-1 visa process, here are some important things to consider.

1. Time: You're going to need at least six months before you are approved to enter the U.S. This also means you cannot apply for another visa to the U.S. during this period (even a tourist visa), or you may run into some problems at the consulate. You will have to carve out half a year in preparation to go and will need to be realistic that doing the visa in less time is unlikely.

2. Money: If you're doing the process by yourself, you'll need around $2,200 for the visa fees and related fees (doctor's exam, lab fee, shipping fees, copies, etc). This excludes any travel costs and any marriage costs. If you're hiring a lawyer, you'll need a lot more than that. The tricky thing is that the costs pile up during each round of paperwork, and unless you plan ahead, you won't realize how expensive it really is.

3. Absolute, positive certainty. If you are not 100% certain you want to get married, or that you can weather the storm with your fiance/ee, it is not worth the hassle. Knowing that you're in it for the long haul is the only reason to apply for this visa.

4. Attention to detail and lots of double and triple checking. If you're not a stickler for detail, you might want to hire a lawyer. Making simple mistakes on the application forms can lead to a request for more information, which slows down the process considerably. It is essential that you be methodical, organized, and alert to make sure you fill out every form correctly and send in the right information every time.

5. An address in the U.S. If the American fiance/ee has been living abroad for awhile and does not possess a permanent address in the U.S., you will need to get one, which is necessary from the very beginning of the process.

6. A minimum annual income. You will need a minimum annual salary (it's somewhere around $13,000 - 15,000) in order to sponsor your fiance/ee. If not, you will need to find someone willing to co-sponsor the foreign petitioner, who is willing to do two separate rounds of paperwork and provide tax and income information.