a simple case of awe

Since I've been home, and with my interaction with gringos in Brazil, countless people have been shocked to find out I've voluntarily decided to live in Brazil. So many people are in awe, saying they love Brazil, that it's their dream to live abroad, or they'd love to just get up and go somewhere. They always say something along the lines of "That's amazing!" or "You're so lucky!" I get the impression that people seem to think I'm living some dream life, sipping coconut milk in a hammock all day as I listen to bossa nova. Obviously, that is not the case.

The truth of the matter is that living in Brazil actually greatly complicates my life. Rio is now in the top 40 most expensive cities in the world, though salaries haven't caught up with the cost of living. I depend on my meager savings and whatever jobs I can get, but I still feel constantly overwhelmed. Though I have this compulsion to avoid a 40 hour a week office job, it doesn't mean I'm excited to do just any other job. Even though I don't have to work as many hours, I get paid considerably less than I would in the US.

I get to be with my boyfriend, but I'm far from my family and friends. I'm not rich enough to go home to visit (especially not with airfares as they are now), so I have to resign myself to not seeing my parents, my brother, my dog and my best friends for at least half a year. I'm thousands of miles from the comforts of home, from Starbucks, from CVS, from the TV and music and movies and shows you actually get to see before the rest of the world. And living in Rio doesn't afford me the peace of mind I have at home, and I can never quite shake a feeling of uneasiness, a subtle but constant pit at the bottom of my stomach.

It's not that I'm complaining that I get to go back to Brazil. I'm excited about all the possibilities, all the things I have left to do and see, even in Rio, apart from the obvious excitement of being reunited with Eli. But I think a lot of people assume that moving abroad, especially to a tropical city, implies fun, excitement, and adventure, rather than a daily struggle. I hope there will be more adventures, but this move is no vacation.

The first challenge will be getting there, with a tropical storm right in my path.

Comments

[lenore]

Travel safely and we miss you!

[Priyanka]

As I've said many times before commenting on your blog, I definitely understand what you're saying. People would always say to me, "Wow your life is so exciting." I think a lot of people envisioned me partying really hard in the tropics. They didn't realize how hard I actually had to work to support myself.

Sao Paulo is pretty much neck and neck with Rio in terms of expensive cities. I was definitely living a fairly meager existence. When I told people in the US though, they were always shocked.

Anyway. I really hope that your upcoming year in Rio allows you to figure out some of your questions. Don't worry about adventures, people who take big risks are meant to have adventures. You don't have to look for them, they will find you!

[Silvia]

The first reaction of almost everyone that I talk to when I tell them that I'm from Brazil is "Oh, why would leave Brazil for this??". I moved to Canada for personal reasons, but I find it a little amusing this vision of tropical paradise that some people have regarding Brazil - as if Canada wouldn't have anything better to offer (they're both great places to live, for different reasons).

But the best reaction that I've had to this day was the woman that asked me how come I'm Brazilian, I'm apparently too "white" for that. The different reactions can be pretty entertaining.

[Tracy]

I experienced the same exact reaction, Rachel. Nobody realized that things aren't really so cheap down there, and you are not spending all your time on the beach. More likely you are in a bus on your way to volunteer or to a low-paying job.

The other reaction I got was "Wow! You travel on your own to exotic countries!? You're so brave!" (This said with a look and tone of shock, fear, and jealousy) I guess so, but it seems pretty fun and normal to me. Besides, there are a lot scarier things to face in everyday life. ;)

[Mandy]

AMEN SISTER! you know i know exactly how you feel...

[JC]

Dear Riogringa,
Maybe develop a tour guide company, like Rick Steves did when he got out of college. Just learn it the hard way: which permits to pay for, etcetera. And collect a mass of information in your head. A Brazil-NYC tour company? Show Brazilians around NYC. Show Americans around Brazil. You started a dance program from scratch, didn't you? Live four months in NYC, eight months in Rio de Janeiro. You won't get rich, but (IF it pans out) you'll have the best of both worlds! Might take you ten years (got any other ten-year plans?) Your revenue pays for plane fare. Something to shoot for during your twenties.

[Claire]

Dear Rachel,

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[Leo]

I heart this post because I could have written exactly the same thing yesterday. I love my life here in Salvador. There is a tinge of exoticism to what I'm doing. But there are hard realities to face and its no easy ride. I have been scraping by with little work for months now. I live in a favela that I'm sure my friends back home would be appalled to see let alone live in. While indeed this life is an adventure, it's no fairytale story.

[DRL]

I think it is so funny when people say that it is their dream to live abroad and get so jealous and worked up and then when you ask them what is holding them back their excuses are beyond lame... don't get me wrong there are plenty of good reasons not to do it but those don't seem to come up...

[Emily]

i had so much to say about how strongly i agreed with this entry that the response turned into its own post in my blog. basically youre so right and sitting in israel its really comforting to know that there are people all around the world who feel the same way i do. thanks rach :)

[juan duque]

Hey. Great blog, great post. I came back to my native Colombia (Medellin) after 13 years of living in the U.S. Originally i was supposed to stay for a 2 month vacation but it's been about 10 years now, and I also get the kind of responses you describe. Basically the subtext is "Are you crazy? What the F are you doing here if you could be living in the U.S??".. Anyway, sometimes I think about going back (i miss good concerts, good beer, and the easiness of ordering stuff online etc). But you make your choices in life and you have to live with them and be at peace. Anyway, I hope you are doing well and thanks for giving me a peek into your life.